Asian Silver Carp:

In various Midwest rivers, such as the Missouri, the Ohio, and the Illinois, Asian Silver Carp have become something of an epidemic. Introduced in the 1960's, Asian Silver Carp were used in fish farms to clean algae and other microscopic wastes, but once a few escaped they have been out competing local fish for food and nutrients, thus saturating these Midwestern habitats.

However, Asian Silver Carp aren't only driving out local fish species, they also pose a threat to local boaters. When the Asian Silver Carp detects a noise that is unfamiliar or strange (such as a motorboat), they exhibit a strange defense mechanism - they begin to leap as high as eight feet out of the water. Local boaters have described the fish as "slimy bowling balls" and "silvery missiles."

Asian Silver Carp in action:



Asiain Silver Carp protection:




(It gets better)

The Wall Street Journal recently published a cover page article about the Asian Silver Carp problem. The article included several incredible (and hilarious) accounts of boaters with these jumping fish:

Betty DeFord:
"One slammed into my lap. Another nearly knocked me out of the boat. Then another knocked me back into it. When it was over, we had 32 fish in the boat. We were slimed from head to toe. It was really scary."

(Jesus, I wish there was a youtube video of that)

The Wall Street Journal also tells of a man "holding his dip net and peering into the water got smacked in the face by a carp and went to the local hospital with a broken nose and blackenend eyes."

(Holy Shit! I bet new defense secretary Gates is looking into using these fish as weapons. Fucking oblong bowling balls.)